Navigating Change: Why Transitions Are Tough for ADHD Minds (And How to Manage Them)

By Tim Aiello, MA, LPC, NCC, ADHD-CCSP, ASDCS

Clinical Director & Therapist | Myndset Therapeutics

I’ll be honest—transitions have always been hard for me. I don’t mean just the big ones like moving or starting a new job. I mean the little ones too. Switching from one activity to another, ending a conversation (even a good one), shifting between emotional states, or even stopping a thought mid-stream—it all feels jarring, sometimes even physically painful.

As an AuDHD adult—someone who lives with both ADHD and Autism—I’ve come to understand that transitions don’t just bother me, they dysregulate me. And I’m not alone.

What Makes Transitions So Hard for ADHD and Autistic Adults?

Transitions require flexible thinking, time awareness, emotional regulation, and nervous system balance. For those of us who are neurodivergent, these are precisely the areas that get hit the hardest.

ADHD impacts executive functioning: planning, time management, task initiation, and impulse control (Barkley, 2015). Autism often involves cognitive rigidity, sensory sensitivity, and difficulty processing rapid changes in environment or emotion (American Psychiatric Association, 2022). The co-occurrence of these two conditions (known as AuDHD) results in a perfect storm when it comes to transitions.

Research shows that executive functioning deficits significantly impair task-switching in adults with ADHD (Willcutt et al., 2012), and Autistic individuals often experience emotional inertia—the difficulty shifting emotional states (Kapp, 2020).

The Polyvagal Theory Perspective: My Nervous System Doesn’t Like Change

Here’s where Polyvagal Theory (Porges, 2011) changed the game for me.

According to PVT, our nervous system has three primary states:

• Ventral Vagal (safe, social, connected)

• Sympathetic (mobilized, anxious, hyper-alert)

• Dorsal Vagal (shutdown, numb, withdrawn)

  
  

Transitions tend to knock me out of Ventral and straight into Sympathetic or Dorsal states. It feels like whiplash. Even something as “small” as finishing a task I enjoyed and being told it’s time to eat can make my body tense up or go flat. It’s not about laziness or stubbornness. It’s about neuroception—my nervous system detecting change as a threat, even when my brain knows better.

Many of my clients describe this the same way: an internal resistance that doesn’t match the situation. That’s not a failure of willpower—it’s a nervous system in survival mode.

My Experience: Why I Loathe Transitions (and Why I’ve Learned to Respect That)

It took me years to realize that I wasn’t broken. I just needed different tools.

I used to beat myself up for struggling to stop one task and start another. I’d get emotionally “stuck” and not know how to shift out of a shutdown state. Or I’d switch topics mid-conversation, not because I was rude, but because the mental transition between topics didn’t land for me unless I jumped tracks quickly.

Now, I see transitions as liminal spaces—those in-between zones where my nervous system loses footing. And like any liminal space, they deserve compassion and support, not judgment or force.

Evidence-Based Strategies That Actually Help

If you’re like me—or you work with or love someone who is—here are some evidence-backed, Polyvagal-informed strategies that can support smoother transitions:

1. Pre-Transition Cues (Co-Regulation Tools)

Use gentle auditory or visual cues before the transition happens. For example, “In five minutes, we’re going to switch from this to that.” This gives the nervous system time to anticipate, which reduces the startle reflex and sympathetic activation (Dana, 2021).

2. Structured Routines with Flexibility

While routines provide predictability (which helps regulate the nervous system), rigidity can backfire. Build in “soft transitions”—like 10-minute buffers between appointments or tasks.

3. Movement as a Bridge

PVT teaches us that physical movement helps shift states. Walking between tasks, stretching, or even rocking can help you “cross over” from one state or activity to the next (Porges, 2011).

4. Breath and Vagus Nerve Stimulation

Box breathing, humming, or using a vibrating vagal toning device can activate the Ventral Vagal state and ease the nervous system into a new rhythm.

5. Visual Schedules and Transition Anchors

Visual reminders (like whiteboards or calendars) help externalize the transition. Add anchors—like a favorite song or scent—to signal a shift is coming, giving your body time to adjust.

6. Self-Compassion and Language Reframing

Instead of saying, “I’m bad at transitions,” I now say, “My nervous system needs more support during transitions.” That shift in language is part of my healing.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Lazy—Your System Just Needs Safety

If no one’s ever told you this before: You’re not failing. Your nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do—detect shifts and try to protect you. The trick is learning how to work with your system instead of against it.

As a therapist and as a neurodivergent human, I want you to know that it is possible to make transitions less terrifying. You deserve to move through life with more ease, one shift at a time.

And if you're struggling, you're not alone. I'm still working on it too.

Looking for more support?

Check out the free tools on my website, or schedule a session with me at Myndset-Therapeutics.com. You deserve strategies that honor your nervous system—not punish it.

References

• American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed., Text Revision).

• Barkley, R. A. (2015). Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder: A handbook for diagnosis and treatment (4th ed.). Guilford Press.

• Dana, D. (2021). Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory. Sounds True.

• Kapp, S. K. (2020). Autistic inertia and emotional regulation. Autism in Adulthood, 2(3), 185–193.

• Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. Norton.

• Willcutt, E. G., Doyle, A. E., Nigg, J. T., Faraone, S. V., & Pennington, B. F. (2012). Validity of the executive function theory of ADHD: A meta-analytic review. Biological Psychiatry, 57(11), 1336–1346.